We all start off this parenting journey with great intentions and saying “I’ll never swear in front of my kids. I’m not going to have a child that says those words” but lets face it, there are times where they drive you up the fucking wall and all you want to say is fuck. I’m a swearer. Ever since I could swear freely, I’ve done so. Out of frustration, happiness, sadness and sometimes just as a sentence enhancer.
When Miss I was born, I made a pact with myself to curb my cussing and only mouth it instead of saying it out loud- baby steps! I’ve done my best and I will admit that I’ve dropped them in front of her. I have always apologised and said “that was naughty of mummy and I shouldn’t have said that”, making it known that swear words are naughty. We’ve been quite lucky in the fact that in the last 3.5 years, she’s only ever said 3 swear words. #winning
Monday night brought the usual star wars banter between N and Miss I. She wanted him to say something and he thought he would change it up and say “What would Miss I say to Daddy?”. She didnt like very much and turned around to N and said “what would Anakin fucking say to Ahsoka”. Here is where I go “OH!!!! THATS YOU!!! YOU SAY FUCKING!!! THATS NOT ME!!!”
After a little telling off and “you are not allowed to say adult words. You are a little girl and little girls don’t say those kinds of words. One day, when you’re an adult and you become a mummy, you can say that word. Kapeesh?”, we both agree that Miss I is not allowed to say those things. N was sitting on the hallway floor getting Miss I ready for her shower and for whatever reason, he said a naughty word Totes failing at parenting this night! He quickly pulled himself up on it and said to her that he was sorry for saying that word.
“Hey Daddy! When I’m a mummy, I’m going to use that fuck word” …………… well at least she used it in the right context!
Imma give it to you straight kiddo. When you’re a mummy, you’re going to use that word (and more) a lot my dear. More than you ever imagined you would. You’re going to want to say it at the park, in the supermarket, in the parents room at the mall and god knows wherever else.
I can guarantee you that a few of them will be..
- “Why the fuck wont you eat?”
- ” The fucking baby won’t fucking sleep.”
- “For fuck sake, I just want five fucking minutes to myself.”
- ” Fuck, just drink your fucking bottle kid.”
- “How the fuck did you just shit through a nappy, a baby grow and a pair of pants.”
- “Fuck this shit, I give up.” (my most used sentence)
Until then, lets just pinky promise not to say anymore swear words otherwise people will really start to think that I’m a bad fucking parent. Kapeesh?