It must be time for another one by Hey Little Sweet Thing

The only child- “It must be time for another one!”

“How old is she?”
She’s three and a half.
“Does she have any siblings?”
No, she’s an only child.
“Ohhh! It must be time for another one then!”
*insert fake fuck off laugh here* No, no- she is and will be an only child.
“Don’t be so silly, she needs a sibling. She’ll be unhappy otherwise. Why would you not have another child when you make them so beautiful”
Because that’s what we’ve chosen.
“One day, you’ll change your mind.” (our mind was made up 3 years ago thanks)
We actually physically cannot have any more children, so as I said, she is and will be an only child.
*insert a fuck ton of awkwardness here*

Does this look like an unhappy only child to you?

"It must be time for another one!"- The only child by Hey Little Sweet Thing

When it comes to having kids, everybody’s situation is different. Some people choose not to have children. Some people choose to have one child, while others choose lots  and some people just can’t. No-one should be judged. We thought we were going to be the ones that couldn’t have children because we struggled and struggled to get her. There were problems at the start, problems at the end and to this day, there are still problems- just of a different kind.

But why is that my answer is not good enough? Apparently it makes us selfish to not provide a sibling for Miss I but that was a personal sacrifice we chose to make to protect us all. No one is selfish for not having kids or only having one. No one is selfish for giving a child multiple siblings because they love having kids and no one is a failure at being a human if they cannot have a baby or lose a child/children for whatever reason after she or he is born.

Personally, labour was horrifically damaging for me both mentally and physically. Not only was it long and hard (it’s certainly not called labour because it’s fucking easy) but Miss I had to be manually turned then was ripped from me via vacuum extraction,  I tore- bad, lost close to 3l of blood and had stitches and blood transfusions galore. That’s not something I want to experience again and I don’t think N wants to either.

I remember the frightened look on his face when everyone rushed in and bowls of blood soaked gauze where being whipped away and weighed. They say you forget after a while what it was like…. I can still tell you EXACTLY what everything felt like! For the first week of her being in this world, N pretty much had to do all of the work. I’d lost too much blood and was constantly dizzy. He fed her, changed her, bathed her and put her to sleep while I sat back and watched, trying not to pass out.

When we started to discover the whole high needs and gifted side of Miss I, we knew that bringing another child into the world (not that we probably could) would be unfair to him or her. I know people say that you find a way to juggle both but it’s not that simple when you’re dealing with a child who has some form of special needs. This kid has the brain of a 6yo and for most of her day, requires some form of intense stimulation not to mention all of the eye specialist appointments we have to attend and soon paediatric/specialist appointments to help us manage the high needs and gifted thing.

Managing a child with any sort of special needs is not a walk in the fucking park. While its amazing moments are amazing, its hard, intense, emotionally and physically draining and can put a huge strain on any relationship no matter how solid it may seem from the outside world. I already have a massive responsibility to raise a child with different needs to most and that I know would take away much needed time from a sibling. Why would I want to put another child through what we experience on a daily basis? Why would I want to put Miss I through the whole thing when I know it would severely impact her? It’s simple- I don’t.

Just before Miss I turned 1, N had the snip. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision and it certainly wasn’t an easy one either but it was something that needed to be done. He took one for the team. I held his hand, iced his balls and made sure there was a constant supply of frozen peas in the freezer. The only regret I have about the whole thing was watching them perform the procedure. It put me off spaghetti for a really fucking long time. Upside is, we can ditch the “if you don’t got the rubber, there will be no hubba hubba” rule and it save ourselves some money!

Our only child is not unhappy. In fact, she’s the complete opposite. She’s ecstatic. She’s thriving. She has her moments, but what kid doesn’t? Because Miss I is an only child, she gets the attention she requires and has two parents that provide the absolute best they can to cater to her needs. If she had a sibling, she wouldn’t have this. She would have to have shared time and wouldn’t have been able to flourish as much as she has. I’d rather a happy child than two unhappy ones.

Support the people who can’t have children.
Support the people who choose to have only one.
Support the people who choose to have many.
Support the people who have children via adoption, surrogacy etc.
Support the people who choose not to have any at all.

Whatever your situation, I support you.

"It must be time for another one!"- The only child by Hey Little Sweet Thing

"It must be time for another one!"- The only child by Hey Little Sweet Thing

If you want to come see our activities in action, come hang with us on Snapchat @heylittlesweets. You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram.

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17 thoughts on “The only child- “It must be time for another one!”

  1. She is happy indeed! No judgement here, except that she’s a charming, well adjusted child being raised by parents who love her. And yes, you’re saving loads of money 😉

  2. I totally love this post! People often judge (why is everybody judging parents?!). Wrong. Stop with these comments, people. Kids could be happy without siblings, they have their parents. Your princess is so very cute and yes, she looks so happy! :* xxx

  3. When we were struggling to conceive our second, the things that almost complete strangers came out with boggled the mind. Random old ladies asking about my sex life, stuff like that. Trying to politely deflect the question when feeling enormous hurt takes a lot of strength xx

    1. I have a friend who experienced that last week- I wanted to fly down there and punch them all in the face! Good intentions or not- people are assholes x

  4. I just don’t understand why people judge, and they do. All the time!!! I get this all the time, oh time for you to have another, the boys are almost at school. I used to smile through gritted teeth and say I don’t think we will have any more. When the constant ‘well meaning’ comments kept coming – from the same people – I changed my tactics. Now I say “I nearly died the last time, I don’t fancy taking my chances a second time”. Amazingly I still get the comments, you would think that not so subtle response would put them off – nope! Miss I is a happy little girl, that is absolutely all that matters. I am an only child and I was never unhappy growing up. Love you babes xxx

  5. Izzy your cousin Ben is an only child that’s makes him and you extra special to us.
    I too was not able to have a second child as it was to risky for my health.
    You and his other cousins are his “siblings” and he has not missed out on anything. He knows he is loved by everyone in his family including your mum – It has not “affected” his development in fact it has given him opportunities that if he had had other siblings we would not have been able to afford to give. He now in university 2nd year law, political science and international relations, he has a Girlfriend, plays cricket, rugby, and basketball .
    He is a well round man- not an only child.
    Aunty Deb, Uncle John and Benxxx

    1. He is a pretty amazing “only child” and we are all so very proud of him. Thank you for being our family xoxoxox

  6. I am shocked at how many people think this is any of their business. Someone once asked my friend (who was pregnant with her third child) “was this one planned?” When she said yes, they responded “but you already have one of each.” Apparently one boy and one girl is acceptable and anything else is not. Anyway, thanks for speaking up on this topic. We have one and are 70% sure that is all we will ever have and I already get comments about her “needing” a sibling.

    1. Me too babe! It’s nuts that people think they can have an opinion when they aren’t the owner of the vagina haha. People can go stick it where the sun don’t shine as far as I’m concerned. Naw, you’re welcome. Thanks so much for reading! You make sure you tell them its none of their business. If one is all you want, thats fine. If you want 5, thats fine too. Whatever your choice- I’ve got your back xoxox

  7. So many people think it is perfectly okay to give their opinion on something that is quite frankly, a very personal decision. I know they mean well, but they need to butt out! I have to be honest and say that before I had kids, I used to feel sorry for only children, but now, I can see how much they would benefit from having all the love and attention from the parents rather than having to share xx

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