“Excuse the Mess” – Why I’ll Never Say It Again

*contains a smidgen of profanity*

Why is it that whenever there is a huge mess about the place someone fucking decides to drop by unannounced ? My first words are not “Hi” or “How are you?” but “EXCUSE the mess, we have just finished……”. NOW, my house isn’t dirty- the benches are wiped daily, dishes are done, bathroom and toilet are clean, house is hoovered everyday but its fucking untidy. Theres shit everywhere which doesn’t sit well with my OCD but everyday I try and everyday I fail and getting everything perfectly tidy.

I’m like every over-worked human. There is a washing pile yay high that never seems to fold or put itself away, my hair is a mess, my kid is a hurricane BUT the kid is happy, my house is clean, the dishes are done, the child and husband are fed (never mind me), there are clean clothes in everyones drawers (or the washing basket) and there is food in the fridge and cupboards.

I have a VERY active 3 year old (anyone with kids know that they are like little tornados), who loves to do 5 million things at once and has not learnt to tidy up after herself yet. She has preschool from 8-12 most days then in the arvo we homeschool on top of all of the other shit we do during the week. There isn’t a day goes by where we are not doing something. My tidying times are between 5am-7am and 7pm-whatever time my eyes close for the night. Our arvo’s are filled with projects, excursions and other various educational based activities. I ain’t got fuck all time for anything else.

The kid was home on this particular day and we had just finished music time this morning. I decided that I would quickly hang out the washing before I tidied everything away. ALL 20 something of the instruments were strewn across the living floor but the child was still happily playing so it was a no brainer to get a chore done while she was occupied. For the first time since I have lived here, one of the next-door neighbours decided to pop over. The first words out of my mouth were “excuse the mess, we’ve just finished music time”- it was 9 in the fucking morning, we’d been for a walk earlier and I hadn’t had a shower-  IT IS TOO FUCKING EARLY FOR VISITORS!!!!!! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN!

I could see her eyes kind of dart around the living room looking at all the stuff over the floor and all I could think to myself was “Bitch- don’t fucking judge! I just spent 45 fucking minutes bonding with my child over music. FUCK OFF”

After she left, all I could think was.. am I really a bad housewife? Then I stopped and thought about all of the amazing stuff we do during the week. I’ll take doing fun stuff and bonding with my child over having a perfect fucking house thank you very much.

So today- right here, right now, I am sticking my middle finger up and saying a big fuck you to the judgey mother fuckers. No longer shall I apologise for or say…

Excuse the mess
– we’ve been out all day at the zoo learning about animals.
– we’ve been playing blocks and designing our own skyscrapers.
– it was a busy day learning new things.
– we’ve just finished art projects.
– we’ve been outside playing.
– we had a project to do.
– we’ve been playing upstairs in the tub trying to figure out what floats and what doesn’t
– we’ve been physical and playing balloon tag around the lounge.
– we’ve been at the library for most of the day.
– wriggle and rhyme was on so we went to socialise.
– we’ve been dressing up like doctors and learning about the human body
– we’ve been learning to read all day.
– we’ve been upstairs playing in our fort.
– we’ve been doing this and this and this and this and this and that and this and this and that and that and this.
– ETC, ETC, ETC – you get my drift

If you don’t like the mess we make whilst learning, making memories and having fun you have two choices.

Choice 1– Don’t let the door hit ya where evoloution split ya
Choice 2– Be fucking productive and help tidy some of the shit away because sometimes, I need the bloody help! Flick the jug on while you’re at it please.

This wee human doesn’t give a fuck about what state the house is in because she’s having too much bloody fun and to me, that is far more important.

Ok, I think it’s time for a cup of tea or a wine. Whatever you choose, we all bloody deserve it.


"Excuse the Mess" - Why I'll Never Say It Again by Hey Little Sweet Thing

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