I don’t know about you guys buuuuut right now, the ole’ “adult” time is lacking. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It happens right? It’s not that you don’t love each other because you do. But, life gets in the way, work, everyday stress, having kids yaddah yah. By the time 7pm comes along, the only energy you have left is to make it into bed. For us, it’s a mixture of that and all the shit with Izzy. She doesn’t sleep, the routine just to get her into bed is a fucking nightmare and we generally are in bed just after she’s gone down for a couple of hours.
When do you finally muster up enough energy to have some “special adult time”, you literally mentally prepare yourself all day. Well, I do anyway. It’s been a while, so you’re kind of like.. how does this work again?! I have to stay up past 730pm, I’ve got to muster up some energy and put in some effort etc. And then you go through the “We need to be quiet” pep talk because you guarantee that one tiny noise that even remotely suggests you’re enjoying yourselves will wake the kid/s or if you don’t have kids, something else will happen, the phone will ring and the parentals will want to have a chat about nan’s upcoming birthday party.
Now the thing about Izzy is, she’s like a ninja. You can’t hear her coming. She just turns up and says “HI!” which almost causes you to simultaneously shit yourself and have a moderate heart attack. She’s behind you when you’re least expecting it.
So lets set the scene a little. We’d decided that last night we’d muster up the energy to do it. Have sex. Special adult cuddling. Bone. Whatever you want to call it.
I’m going to spare you the gory details because no one needs them to lets skip to the end.
Within seconds there comes a yell from the other bedroom
Impeccable fucking timing. Nick yells out “Just a minute Izzy”
“DAAAAAAAAD!!! SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT!! THINGS ARE NOT WHERE THEY SHOULD BE!!!”
“Ok, I will be there in a minute, give me just a minute please.”
Im just like “Do you maybe want to err…get out before you start having a conversation because I’m kinda feeling like the third wheel here.”
And then she was at the door. No sound, no warning. Nothing. This figure standing in the doorway way and this voice says “What are you doing guys?” We weren’t doing anything because that’d finished a few moments before but we still weren’t “decent”. *Soz about that*. THE DOOR WAS CLOSED! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE OPEN IT WITHOUT MAKING A SOUND?!
This whole, Izzy getting out of bed thing is new for us. She had this thing in the mornings where she would only get out of bed if you gave her permission. Lord knows how that even came about, I think it was just some rule she or the OCD made up for her rigorous bedtime routine. We’re totally not used to it. We’d always been safe from her just waltzing on in so we kind of never needed a lock.
Both of us scream while almost simultaneously shitting ourselves and having that moderate heart attack I mentioned before. What a fucking way to end the whole thing right?! I say “WHAT THE FUCK!” because my heart is almost busting out of my chest. Nicks trying to manoeuvre himself to protect both of our pretty much non existent dignities and he’s like “Uhh…. giving each other a snuggle………… what are you doing?”
Clearly it’s my night to be the third wheel. Let’s all just just about the shit were doing right because no time like the present. While you’re both chatting, I’m in quite an uncomfortable spot so if we could wrap this up quickly, that’d be swell. Anyone for tea?
And also, he went with snuggle. The kid knows what snuggle is so I hope to hell he’s got a back up explanation.
This is where I start praying to the universe that she’s not fully awake and she’ll just role with the snuggle thing and not ask questions.
And here is where, for the first time in it’s existence inside my childs head, I thank the OCD. I thank the OCD for being so in control of her thoughts right now that all she is focused on is what isn’t “right” in her bed and not the weird “snuggle position” her parents are in.
“OH. Ok. Something isn’t right. We need to fix it. I can’t sleep if we don’t fix it”
Too bloody right we need to fix it. We need to fix it with a lock on our bedroom door OR just go back to not putting any effort into anything and being asleep by 730pm. I much prefer the latter.
Have your kids ever walked in on you? I’d love to know what explanation you gave them!